Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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