last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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