your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
