Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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