i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
