Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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