I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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