I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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