it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
