Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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