did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize