his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
