Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
