found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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