I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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