covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
