bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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