I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
