OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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