Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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