You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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