no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
