i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
