....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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