My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
