dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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