I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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