Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
