im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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