hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
