Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
