this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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