Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize