my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
