my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
