Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
