Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
