Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
