Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
