Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
