Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
