i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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