Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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