She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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