My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
