Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
