I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
