I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
