I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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