is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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