Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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