oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
