Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
