Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I have post one night stand depression
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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