My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
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You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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