I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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