Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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