I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
