you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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