I like my sex mixed with concussions.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
