Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
