The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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