Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
