Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
