Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
