Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
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On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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