btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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