Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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