Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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