So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
