Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
