you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize