Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
