My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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