Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
