If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
